What do I do when it feels like everything I have is collapsing?
There is no simple answer to that question as everyones’ problems are different. I’m sure most people has had a moment in their lives when it felt like everything is collapsing and there is no way out. Everything you’ve built felt so fragile and vulnerable that you have no way to protect it. But to put it simply, you have two options, face the problem or avoid facing the problem. The consequences of the latter will lead to alcohol, sleep troubles, lack of work efficiency and same cycle until suicidal ideation comes about.
Are you aware of the problem?
in many cases, people are aware of the problem. In fact, they think they are, and sometimes we also think we know the solution. People only look at problems in their perspective. But when we look at problems in third perspective, we see a more clear picture of how his/her psychology contributes to the problem or even creating another problem. We need to have the ability to look at ourselves in a third perspective. This will help us become less biased to our personalities, become more aware of ourselves, and recognize how our personalities contribute to problems.
Are you avoiding facing the problem?
As I mentioned before, a lot of people know they have a problem but avoid facing it by falling into alcoholism or even distorting their memories. It’s because of fear, the fear to look at where they are, and to find out how long they have to go to get to where they want to be. They simply don’t want to be that person that falls behind while everyone else is already close to their goals. You might have gone the wrong direction, but know that this is not a race. All you need to do is start walking slowly, you can run or take some rest whenever you want, this is not a race.
What caused that failure or depression.
Is it lack of willpower? or is it lack of resources? most of the time, we blame lack of willpower or lack of time and etc when something doesn’t go right. Because most of the things require persistence, people believe that they failed because of lack of will, but willpower is not the problem in the case of persistence. Willpower diminishes over time, I personally believe that willpower is only needed when starting something new. The answer to this question is the lack of belief in what your doing is going to succeed. In order to be persistent or prevent falling into depression, you need to believe that you are going to succeed. If you don’t believe your going to be successful, you unconsciously start wanting to quit because you don’t want to waste anymore time and effort in the thing that you are doing. There’s a contradiction in yourself that you know you have to keep doing it but you don’t think you are going to succeed. If you don’t even believe that you are going to be successful, do you think you will be? believe in it, trust me, when you don’t believe in yourself, everything turns back on you, and if you believe in yourself, everything will be on your side.
Do you have the solutions?
When you are ready to make changes, you need a solution. We are often confused of what to do when it comes to facing a big problem. What people do is they seek other people’s help, but most of the time seeking someone else’s opinion doesn’t help because they are not fully aware of your situation. But it is actually quite simple. Get a pen and a note, and list down all the problems you have. Often, big problems are a pile of small problems. Sometimes small problems get solved as you list them down. When I was doing this, mine went over a page. Even if it is one huge problem, just note it down. What you do next is specify each steps you think you should do to solve this problem. For example, wake up at 6:30am in the morning, go to work, send emails etc. If you don’t have a strong willpower, you should write down all the specific steps. You are basically breaking down the big chunk into small pieces to specify how your going to solve it. You won’t believe this will actually give you a solution, but you will be amazed that this simple process actually will give you a clear vision of what you should do.
Do you have the will to execute the solution?
As I mentioned before, it will be a lot easier if you believe in yourself. If you still don’t believe that you are going to succeed, I will put up another post about how to make an environment to persist and an environment that can minimize risk of failure so that there is no way you can’t success. But for now, you must believe in yourself, find a motivator, or imagine what you will be like when you succeed.
Do you have a backup plan if this solution doesn’t turnout well?
You should always have a plan B. If you can’t think of it now or you actually are on the edge, thats okay. You just need to reduce the resources that you are putting in in this plan so that you still have resources for a second chance. By the way, resources include time, money, effort and etc. If your plan doesn’t work out well, you must find the reason why it didn’t and edit the plan or add something into the plan so that that failure does not happen again. Failure is the mother of success only when you learn from it. Next step is you keep doing it until you succeed. The more failure, the stronger you will be, so do not take failure as a bad thing.
If you liked my post, please subscribe, I will be posting how to persist, and how to create an environment that you can only end up succeeding.